The Best, Worst and Most Interesting Bathrooms in St. Louis

CBGB

The one-room, two-toilet graffitied women’s bathroom at CBGB (3163 South Grand Boulevard) is definitely on the more interesting side. You literally face another human while peeing. Like, just imagine looking over and making eye contact and nodding (because that’s the Midwestern way) while taking a piss. And the best part is there’s a wooden table placed between the two that the toilet paper sits on so the two parties can share. But to be frank, if we were drunk at CBGB’s on a Saturday night we would 100 percent use this bathroom with our best friend and think it was the coolest shit we’d ever seen.

Lemp Mansion

The women’s bathroom at Lemp Restaurant and Inn (3322 Demenil Place) is one for the ages. By this we simply mean that the bathroom fits the aesthetic of the 1860s, with an authentic bathroom setup and decor — minus the stalls. Two things that caught our attention 1) an actual bathtub in the bathroom — in the middle of the room, mind you; 2) the beautiful wood fireplace. The two-stall, burgundy bathroom feels grand with its high ceilings, chandelier and extra lighting, giant stained-glass windows, rich wood trim, marble and wall-to-wall carpet. Our favorite part is the fact the stall walls go all the way down to the floor and there’s real doors on them giving you ultimate privacy while you’re pretending to be doing your business in the 1800s.

21c Museum Hotel

The unisex lobby bathrooms at 21c Museum Hotel (1528 Locust Street) are where it’s at. This spacious bathroom is so clean it’s insane, but the real show stoppers are the oval mirrors giving the bathroom its own art piece and the natural lighting. The dark, wood-looking stalls are a nice contrast to the bright white walls and countertops. The gold handles, sink fixtures and soap dispensers as well as the paper towels atop a ceramic plate giving the bathroom a high-end feel.

Platypus

Stickers, stickers, stickers and more stickers is the only way to describe the bathroom at Platypus (4501 Manchester Avenue). There’s even stickers inside the toilet. But even though this bathroom gives off a grungy, pop-punk vibe with its stickered wallpaper, it’s still a super clean bathroom, especially compared to its counterparts in the Grove. Another major bonus about this bathroom is the fact that it’s a full room giving you complete privacy to do as you please.

Hi-Pointe Theatre

Here at the RFT, we’ve spent time and ink lauding the urinals at the Hi-Pointe Theatre (1005 McCausland Avenue) before — in 1997’s Best Of issue, specifically, wherein we dubbed them the finest in town, an accolade the establishment was evidently so proud of, they framed a copy, which hangs in the men’s room to this day. But it bears repeating, because these bad boys are choice. Floor-length and deep enough to ward off the dreaded Splashback Effect, they’re hemmed in by a tiled floor that slopes down gently at the base of each, preventing the pooling of a puddle of piss that comes standard with most inferior men’s rooms. They are frankly a joy to utilize and make the customary post-movie restroom visit a delightful experience. Or, as writer Eddie Silva put it nearly 30 years ago, “Even after a large Coke and something long and venerable — a Merchant Ivory film, for instance — these receive your stream without a drop of return.”

City Hall

The bathrooms on the main floor of City Hall (1200 Market Street) are not for the faint of heart. They’re so hot and humid it feels like the middle of summer on a brisk winter/spring morning. Oh and the shit-stained toilets and gut-retching smell, which left one of our reporters on the verge of vomiting, are just an added bonus no one asked for. 0/10 would not recommend.

31art Gallery

These bathrooms have no business going this hard, even if they are at an art gallery. 31art Gallery’s (3520 Hampton Avenue) two bathrooms are a work of art — very suitable for the stunning, yet funky, art gallery. When we turned the corner, we weren’t sure what we were expecting, but we assure you, it wasn’t ancient Rome. Nevertheless, ancient Rome is what we got. The bathroom area is a selfie queen’s dream complete with cool tone vibes, marble floors, antique doors and ceilings, a chandelier, Roman statues and several (and we mean several) mirrors. There are two private and very clean bathrooms that continue the same vibes and love for mirrors with one on every wall — but we’re not complaining.

Momo Coffee Champagne Kitchen

Momo’s (9500 Manchester Road, Rock Hill) bathrooms are simple, yet pleasing to the eye with soft green, Art Deco-styled wallpaper paired with elegant black and white marble. The funky mirrors and gold fixtures along with paper towels presented in little baskets give the space an elevated appearance. The stalls themselves are pretty generic but very clean with a pleasant scent throughout both bathrooms.

Bootleggin’ Bob’s

For anyone who is almost 6 feet tall, the bathrooms at Bootleggin’ Bob’s (3457 Morgan Ford Road) will have you screaming. They are so small! Though they are each their own little cubicle, your knees will almost touch the door. It’s truly an open-and-sit situation. But here’s the good part, you don’t even have to get off the toilet to wash your hands. Plus, they might be small, but they were also pretty darn clean and had a nice fresh, floral smell to them.

360 Westport

When we tell you the women’s bathroom at 360 Westport (111 West Port Plaza Drive, Maryland Heights) is fancy, we’re not kidding. They are so nice and new — nothing like a newly built or remodeled bathroom not yet soiled by all you pissers. The dark, hunter green walls contrast to the wood-looking stalls and gold fixtures, creating an elegant atmosphere that matches the rest of the bar. But ladies, the true winner in this bathroom is the two LED mirrors making makeup touchups a breeze.

The Fox Theatre

The bathrooms at the Fox Theatre (527 North Grand Boulevard) are everything you want them to be — historic and classy. Though it’s generally frowned upon to mosey through a theater mid-show to dispatch one’s cargo, the bathrooms at the Fox are so nice as to demand it. Especially the bathrooms on the second floor — they’re basically a show in themselves. On stage left, you have a generous line of clean stalls separated by a floor-to-floor wall. On stage right, a marble countertop with four sinks, where little stools await underneath — just in case walking your posh ass to the lou was too strenuous of a task.