What can I say about Alyssa Jade <3 NAUGHTIEST GAMERGIRL ON OF <3? I personally love a gal who can combine big rockin titties with a pretty smile. She has a “bring me home to the family” face and a “probably don’t bring her to Thanksgiving” type of body. I also like the confidence she has to call herself the naughtiest gamergirl on OnlyFans. But is it confidence or hubris? Because that’s pretty cocky to claim, especially from someone with no nipples in her feed. I’m also not convinced she didn’t just get a gaming headset and keyboard as setpieces. Now granted, I don’t know exactly how she spends her free time, but “Fortnite and COD” was her answer when I asked what she plays, and that just seems like a pretty basic, crowd pleasing answer. All in all I’m not sure I get a particularly genuine vibe from Alyssa. The posts seem a bit generic and pandering with their simplistic captions. This is how I imagined the perfect woman when I was 12. This is for middle schoolers that have stolen their mother’s credit card. YES, SHE’S SEXY AS HELL. Obviously. But there’s more to it than that. I just get the vibe that she heard men like video games and decided to make that her niche.
“Do you play Xbox or PS5? Am I sucking you or fucking you while you play it? ”
Nobody talks like that. I’m not a huge appreciator of pretending we’re in a relationship in your captions. It just feels fake.
“Imagine waking up to thissssss”, “just waiting on you to come in so I can seduce you”, “I want you to squeeze my boobs and bite my nipples”.
We both know that I’m never getting anywhere near those nipples. I get that this is a fantasy, but again… subtlety.
It’s a free subscription and she has to get people into her DM’s but you need to do something to suspend the disbelief. I don’t have an opportunity to forget that this is a model I’ll never meet that wants my money. With the posts that is. There’s a strange disconnect between her personality in the captions and in the DM’s. Which almost go too far the other way. As I’m writing this we’ve been chatting for over thirty minutes and she has yet to say anything dirty. There’s such a thing as too much subtlety. She’s asking me about my day and where I’m from and where I want to travel. All from a post reading “DM me if you would fuck me rn (8 eggplant emojis)”.
The personal care she shows is off the charts. I mocked her caption game but it’s clearly because she spends most of her time in her DM’s. She asks about my life, shares personal details and opinions that almost sound real, and best of all, isn’t constantly pushing her PPV material. I had to ask nicely for that. She responds quickly and aside from using “btw” a bit too often, seems like a real person in the chat. I’m not sure why she asked me my name if she was going to keep overusing babe, but it’s not as bad as some. I would like to see the OF chatters use a little less “babe.” Maybe it’s a personal thing but it just feels like you’re trying not to get names mixed up. Obviously I know that’s why, but you could make it a little less obvious.
But all that was built by the personable chatting came crashing down with the premium content offers. I’m now fully confident in my hubris accusations. $70 for the first piece of content she offered? Who am I, Warren Buffet? She’s a hot lady, but no more so than the ones with reasonable prices. Absurd. I opted for the $10 piece at first and went no further. Ten genuine American dollars for the clothes to stay on? The only difference from the free stuff was her rubbing her hands over her shorts for a split second. I bought a TV off of Facebook Marketplace that couldn’t stay on longer than 30 minutes and I didn’t feel this ripped off. I’m sure she hooks a couple losers who don’t understand the market into emptying their wallets for this nonsense, but if she wants to aspire much higher, Alyssa needs a reality check and some market analysis.
As corny as parts of it were, I can’t give her lower than a 3 for connection. She is online often, answers quickly and holds the conversation, though don’t expect anything too deep.
For similar reasons I’ll give her a 4 for personalized care, she talks with you about plenty of non-dirty stuff. She’ll ask real questions about you and your life, and answer yours. The answers will be basic and a bit contrived. But if you’re less cynical than myself you may not notice or care.
0 out of five for content. Naughtiest gamer girl on OnlyFans? I doubt she’s even the naughtiest gamer girl in her neighborhood. Do better.
Connection: ⅗
Personalized Care: ⅘
Content: ⅕
