I can think of no other way to start this than telling you that Mikayla is probably the most gorgeous blonde OnlyFans model I’ve had the pleasure to review so far. This is the type of woman who can get a man to make bad bad decisions in his life. I believe wars used to be fought over women like this. She’s fit (she’s a hockey goalie), has almost suspiciously full lips and skin that looks softer than puppy ears. Her massage therapist has to pay her.
Her tits deserve their own paragraph. (normally there’s only so much you can say about tits, but if I could write sonnets, I’d write a couple about these fun bags). She’s one of those women with tits that by all the laws of logic and proportion should look too big for her frame, but somehow they work. The perfect balance of firmness and hang. I’m no expert but if they’re not natural then there’s a surgeon out there who deserves two awards (one for each masterpiece). Again, I don’t think that’s the case, she seems to just be that blessed. Beautifully round and smooth, like the rolling hills of the old country, if those hills had perfectly tight and dainty nipples on them (fill in whichever country you think the best hills, I’m a porn reviewer not a geographer).
The free subscription gets you in the door, and there’s plenty of good stuff on her free OnlyFans feed, but nothing dirtier than you might find in an SI swimsuit edition, if that. She has no shortage of sexy outfits, I don’t think I saw the same one twice after some *extensive* scrolling. I’m a sucker for variety and a little creativity. She’s always in different settings and often even has a theme; Sexy circus performer, sexy (legal age) Harry Potter student, sexy boxer, regular lifeguard. I’m kidding of course, the lifeguard was the sexiest of all. It’s clear that the majority of the production budget goes to outfits and lighting, with a pittance going to the props, which are often just inflatable Party City products. That’s just my compulsion to nitpick though, which I’ll allow myself to do but one more time.
Sexy cave women and dinosaurs were not alive at the same time. And no, unfortunately that’s not a plastic penis hair clip, it’s a regular bone. But nitpicking aside I love the variety of scenes and props. Alas the variety stops there, as I have yet to find a photo with a second facial expression. I understand that her face is not necessarily the big moneymaker like mine is, but it’s still pretty as hell and I’m sure it still is if she shows an ounce of emotion. Believe in yourself, Mikayla.
It’s clear that she does believe in herself when you look at her pricing for anything premium. Let it be clear that she’s the definition of “bargain at any price” and deserves every penny she’s sent. However I represent the horny everyman, not the horny rich guy, so I’m not sure about having to tip just to send a message, although she probably would get overwhelmed by messages without it. If you want the real dirty stuff, be prepared to pay up. $70 would be overpriced to see any other pussy played with, but if anyone is worth it… $200 for the VIP package seems a bit hefty to me, but with it you can get “custom content, explicit content, unlimited chatting, exclusive PPV’s dick ratings and more!” But keep up with the chat because she’s classy enough to offer regular sales and discounts, so there’s still hope for us cheap bastards. But hey, Ferraris aren’t cheap either. You pay for quality.
Content: 4/5
I love the props and the variety, I love the professional quality of her photos (oh to be that photographer…) and I’d rate her higher if in the nudes I purchased, half of them weren’t censored still and she didn’t SCRIBBLE LITTLE LINES OVER HER DAMN NIPPLES. I get it, I’m not getting Pussy pics for $20, but the censorship was infuriatingly trivial. 99% of the nipple was still visible, what the fuck is the point? Other than to upset me. Seriously, when I saw that, I was ready to give a 0/5. I took some deep breaths, composed myself and gave her the fair 4. I’d like it a little dirtier, but this is a classy broad who puts effort into even her free posts. Anything below 4 would be criminal, you want dirty, fork over the cash. You want a one woman playboy, stick to the free stuff you cheap bastard.
Personalized care: 4/5
I was tempted to, in my cheapness, knock her down, but anyone who offers dick rating and custom content can’t be rated too low.
Connection: 2/5
This isn’t just because of charging for the simplest message. Mikayla does something that I see a fair amount on OF to the point where I need to come up with a name for it. But essentially over the top familiarity. The first message is already acting like we’re in a steamy relationship and have been for a while. Why are you talking about how eager you are to feel my cock? That’s not the relationship this is. There’s making a man feel special and there’s being so over the top it takes me out of it. I know my thick throbbing cock hasn’t been on your mind all day. It’s silly. It’s especially hard to believe when I get a dozen generic messages a day, all trying to sell me content. It’s off putting, sexy as the content is.
Overall, her channel is worth the investment. She’s a knockout, she’s creative, and she clearly puts a lot of thought and consideration into the work that she’s putting out for her paying fans.
